


Forever Yours

by bokutosdumptruck



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Soulmates, Spoilers, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28801668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutosdumptruck/pseuds/bokutosdumptruck
Summary: “Dear Ash,It’s probably silly that I still write to you, after all this time...”(Or, the one in which Eiji writes letters with no one to send them to.)
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Forever Yours

**Author's Note:**

> * SPOILERS FOR BOTH THE MANGA AND ANIME *
> 
> i wanted to write a letter similar to something i believe eiji would write after ashs death...here it is :(
> 
> a link to the banana fish playlist i recommend listening to whilst you read: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lUwGKFiO9xU1QS2AJTqSK?si=8KoqkfZxQee3ykEGKR9_BQ

Dear Ash, 

It’s probably silly that I still write to you, after all this time. It may even be pathetic actually, the fact that I still need you, 5 years on. I don’t really care though. I’ve given up trying to convince myself I’ll never not think of you. 5 years, 15 years, 50 years..it makes no difference. You own a piece of my soul I will never get back. 

Writing to you has become a habit. I don’t even have anywhere to send them; so I keep the letters in a box, under my bed. I always feel guilty when I store them away, almost as if I’m hiding you and my memories of us along with it. I promise it’s not like that, Ash. I’m just trying to keep Sing happy. We live together now. He’s trying his hardest to help me to move on. I promised him I would try, even if I didn’t mean it. I know he just wants me to be okay again. 

He’s come such a long way as he’s grown, I wish you were here to see it. You would be so proud of him. But you would be very mad too, because he’s much taller than you ever were, and we would tease you for it. 

We have a dog. A stray I found one day while walking home. I named him Jade, because he has green eyes, like yours. They’re not the exact same shade, but they still remind me of you. It hurts looking at him sometimes, because of this. Not as much anymore though. 

Sing is practically running the entire town now (with a little help from Yut Lung, who is as scary and mean and dramatic as always!). They do a very good job together. There are no longer fights between the gangs, and barely any killings at all. Bones and Kong still come and see me, and force me to cook horrible, bland American food for them. I will make them appreciate Japanese food eventually, I promise you that! Bones even has new hair - it’s green, like a lime! I like it very much. 

I visit Max and Jessica as much as I can. They have been very kind to me. Their son is so much bigger now - around the age we were when we met, actually - which makes me feel like an old man. He calls me Uncle Eiji, which is sweet. If only he had the chance to know you as Uncle, too. Even though he was so young when you saw him, he still remembers you. He would make me tell stories of you whenever I babysat. 

I work at a local gallery, selling my photographs, like I always wanted to. I even started pole-volting again. You were right, it does feel like I can fly. That’s probably when I feel the happiest. 

I still can’t look at all the pictures I took of you. I pray I will find the strength eventually - I always hated how weak I was, especially compared to you. If I was stronger, maybe I could have protected you...

I try not to think like that, try not to blame myself. I know deep down it can’t be my fault. If you wanted to be alive today, you would be. I don’t blame you for choosing not to be, I hope you know that. I like to imagine I could have made you happy, could have helped you overcome your fears, but that may be unrealistic. I could never even come close to imagining the struggles you were forced to carry on your shoulders for so long. 

I know you would want me to move on, Ash. I know I should tell you that I am going to do my best. But I’m selfish, so I can’t do it, not even for your sake. I don’t want to love anybody else. How could anyone begin to compare? 

For a long time after everything happened, I was angry. So, so angry. I hated the world for what it did to you, and for taking you away from me. I didn’t understand. How was it fair? What did either of us do to deserve such a fate? 

I’m not angry anymore. I’m sad, yes. Sometimes I feel so sad it’s as though I’m going to be crushed under the weight of it. Most of the time, though, I am thankful. Before we met, I didn’t really give much thought to soulmates, or fate. 

I think about all of those things a lot more now. I have realised how uncommon it is for a person to find their other half. Many spend their entire lifetimes searching desperately for them. How lucky was I, to find you, so very young? 

I will never regret meeting you, Ash. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would much rather have known you, and then lost you, than to have never known you at all. 

I hope you are happy now, wherever you may be. I hope you feel safe, and free, and don’t have to think of your past anymore. I hope Shorter and Skip are there with you. That would be nice. You deserve to have people that love you around. 

Maybe...maybe, one day I can come there too. And then maybe we could finally be together, and maybe the world would be on our side this time, rather than against us. Maybe we could love one another the way you always said you wanted to; without having to worry about the bullets, and the blood, and the death. Maybe I can finally finish teaching you Japanese.

I will spend the rest of my days waiting patiently for that time to come. 

Forever yours, 

Eiji.


End file.
